Fear Part 1
The Ignorant Submissive
I have always felt that adulthood occurs at the exact moment when one realizes that he or she is NOT, in fact, invincible.
Do you remember that moment? I do...
So, as it turns out, age has little to with anything, for it is only knowledge of the “truth” that has any real bearing on who and/or what a person is and/or thinks.
Once I realized that death (IE: loss) was inevitable...the fear of living began.
With regard to submission, I am faced with self-imposed obstacles that preclude me from truly, deeply and profoundly entering in to a state of “surrender.” Because of these issues I have had to ask myself some very difficult questions. But through all of the soul searching and question/answer sessions, there turns out to be only one real question and only one real answer:
The One Real Question: What are you afraid of?
The One Real Answer: I am afraid of the Truth.
I fear the truth!
The “truth” for me is that every “thing” is temporary.
I, we, us, it, all...temporary.
But even with this firm belief, with this knowledge, I STILL ignorantly try to avoid loss. Why?
Why try to avoid this when I am totally aware that it is precisely in one’s avoidance of loss, that the loss is eventually found! Not only found, but CREATED.
My Sensei told me a long time ago that when a situation is bothersome to a person, instead of reacting (as most do) by moving away from the thing, one must actually get closer to it. He said that when one move’s away from it (meaning: totally avoids it), one only succeeds in drawing it closer.
In other words, if I try to avoid an outcome, I only bring the outcome about.
How true!
So what is this ignorance that I am swimming in? What does it all mean?
I read about a human condition referred to in Buddhism as, Self Grasping Ignorance or Ego.
Self: “I”
Grasping: Hold on to
Ignorance: Completely unaware
Self-Grasping Ignorance: There are two types of self-grasping: self-grasping of persons and self-grasping of phenomena. The first grasps our own or others’ self, or I, as truly existent, and the second grasps any phenomenon other than our own or others’ self as truly existent. Minds that grasp our body, our mind, our possessions, and our world as truly existent are all examples of self-grasping of phenomena. (Excerpted from Kadampa.org
In other words... “I” do not exist. (I knew it!)
To be continued.
-kyuuri
