I spent years cultivating a lifestyle that was based on my own, unique, belief systems and now, after only 12 short months, it feels like all that I had become and everything that I’d accomplished (within myself) has completely come undone.
I miss my D/s. I miss who I was and I especially miss the way that I felt.
I miss, “vibrating at a higher level.”
For me, D/s is not simply a relationship style, a hardcore-kink or some masochistic fantasy. It is not a way to grab attention or to feed my ego, nor is it a silly game of role-play that I engage in when I feel particularly “giving.”
For me…D/s seems to be a basic, primal need and in its absence I feel as though I am living only half a life, perhaps due to the fact that D/s is impossible to experience singularly.
Much of the time now, even though I am happy in so many areas, at the very core I feel dry and uninspired, low and mousy, boring and void, regular…vanilla…blah.
I feel like I’m just skimming the surface of everything that I do now, whereas before, when deeply immersed in the exploration of “self”, of relationships, of power and sex and passion, and sacrifice, not to mention experiencing so many of those miraculous states of being that D/s can bring us to… I felt like I was living on high, 24/7.
My life used to feel like human-potential realized, like total balance and most importantly, when in submission, I felt like I was being true to my basic, human instinct (or at least striving to be).
